you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
