K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
