ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
