the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
