In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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