As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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