my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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