The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
this beer tastes like vomit already
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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