My friends, they love my intelligence
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
