I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
