checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Randomize
