You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
