my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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