His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
