You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
