Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Randomize
