After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Randomize
