Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
