Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
