I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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