So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
