My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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