Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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