i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
