he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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