is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Girls should come with a carfax report
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Randomize
