defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
