Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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