i jhust puked up my retainher.
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
