My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
