just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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