Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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