he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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