Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
