You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
