Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
