I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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