I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
