Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
