dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
