I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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