Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
