Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize