Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
