literally had 100 drinks last night.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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