dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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