Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
