Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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