so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
