the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
