I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
