There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
farters have to be the big spoon...
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
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