party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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