bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
