I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
