If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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