I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
