my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize