but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
