i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
