but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
