My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
