walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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