Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
